Sunday, 31 May 2015


In many ways people in France are the same as people in London. The big difference I've noticed is in France they don't use the fact that you haven't yet been acquainted as a reason to despise everything about you.

We've moved to the Auvergne. It's volcano country. Apparently there's a volcano theme park so we are already winning on several fronts. Our new village is home to an historic Abbey. All very well you might think, but the nuns hog the mini golf course. 

So proud of his spicy urine he put it in a sachet

Saturday, 16 May 2015


We went back to London for a few days. I don't miss much about London, but I do miss the pubs. That's one thing the French will never do better than the English. On paper it's not that hard to do a pub. Serve beer, don't offer table service and yet I've been to countless French bars and they all get so close until you sit down at a table and some fucker comes over and takes your order and you think to yourself 'They've ruined it'.

Tuesday, 5 May 2015


It's windy [something about too many beans in the casolet if that's your sense of humour - I'm not going to make that joke - way too classy]. Weather in France is like English weather but ruder and more arrogant. Sometimes with good reason. A large branch has fallen down. I'm not really sure what to do with it. There's a chance I'll throw it into the neighbour's garden. A problem shared etc.

This morning the croissants from our local bakery weren't up to their usual standard. I'd imagine a frenchman would probably take his half eaten croissant back to the bakery and rub it into the baker's face, but seeing as they were still 10 times better than anything you get in England I rubbed them into my face.

This wine was made by the French easy listening singer Michael Vouvray.

Monday, 4 May 2015

Fuck you, London.

I note that London is currently hosting a coffee festival. Well fuck you, London, because here in Braslou (pop. 115) we are having an Asparagus festival. Has London decided to hold the coffee festival at the same time to steal our thunder? Almost certainly. Will it work? Put it this way, the man drinking white wine in our local bar at 10.30AM doesn't think so.